Monday, September 15, 2003

Gennie's Hurricane Survival Guide: 2003

Well it looks like Isabel is heading this way. The Weather Channel expects for it to hit landfall, somewhere between NC and NJ, by Thursday. Oh goodie. Fox News has a path map for those of you interested. NASA has a satellite image that gave me goosebumps.

I've only lived in the South for eight years and in that time have had to evacuate only once. That was in May of 2000, when Floyd decided to come for a visit. Me being the last minute girl that I am waited until the last minute to head out the door with family in tow. Big mistake. What is usually a five minute drive took close to an hour. Traffic was only heading west of Savannah and believe me, everyone in Chatham County wanted out. Highway 80 was bumper to bumper at a snail's pace. We were lucky enough to be traveling with Jason's family, his father being a truck driver, so we knew all the back roads to Cartersville. We packed everyone into four vehicles and headed out of dodge. We ended up spending two days soaking up the sun, eating bbq, sipping margaritas, and swimming at Lake Allatoona Military Campground. It was more like a mini-vacation than anything else. The ride up was a bitch, but not as bad as some people had it. My mother, who had decided not to come with us, got as far as Augusta and had to camp out with 100 other people in a church. Some people were stuck in their cars on the sides of the road. You couldn't book a hotel room from here to North Carolina. There was hardly any gas and what you could find was high as hell. When we came back we found everything still intact. It looked like a big wind storm had hit at the most. We were VERY lucky. My sister in Greensboro called me a week later, when she had electricity, to tell me about all the dead cows washing up in fields a little ways off from where she lived. North Carolina was hit pretty damn hard by wind and rain.

Why am I telling you this? Because I don't want you or your family to be stuck on the side of the interstate if this things hits hard, which I expect it will. I'm providing you with a list of items you'll need. Print it out and head to the store today. I had to go to two stores this morning just to get candles and water. Wal-Mart in Pooler was so packed that I took one look at the parking lot and said screw this. Luckily for me Dollar General had most of what I needed. Don't put this off until the last minute, because by then you'll be out of luck.

Emergency List: Print it!

SavannahNow.com: Hurricane Guide 2003

Gennie's Special Hurricane List of Do Not Forgets:
1: DVDs
2: CDs
3: Sex and the City Poster
4: Computers
5: Alias Tapes
6: Digital Camera
7: Books for me
8: Books for Matt
9: Matt's art box
10: Picture of Karen and Chris Noth
11: Black, strappy heels *hugs them tight*

I wonder if Jason will be able to go or if he'll have to stay and help evacuate? I'm going to ask him when he gets back. I'm not sure what the procedure is for his department. Lord, please don't let me have to go by myself and leave Jason here. *begins to panic*

Dear Ben?

You see this? This is the world's smallest violin. Well, not really the smallest. I probably could've found a smaller one, but it seems that everyone else was wanting one too after the tragic news. Oh, you haven't heard? Well brace yourself. Are you bracing yourself? It seems that Ben-Ho and J-Ho have broke up. *pats hand* It's okay if you want to show some emotion, I certainly did. Not in the streaming tears sort of way though, more in the laughing my eyeballs right out of their sockets sort of way. Whatever, emotion nonetheless. Can you honestly tell me that you didn't see this coming? We're talking about a woman who's contending with Liz Taylor (God bless her) for the Most Married Woman in Entertainment Award. She was CHEATING on her husband WITH Ben Affleck. And you're telling me that you didn't see this coming at all? We're talking about a woman who's only seemingly normal relationship was with Sean Puffy P-Diddy Combs, which lasted all of two years. A record I'm sure in her books. The same woman who's been married and divorced two times in the last six years, both marriages lasting about a year each. The same woman who had the nerve to make Ben sign a prenup with a cheating clause worth half of his earnings. That's the pot calling the kettle black if you ask me! Should've been the other way around.

Now I'd like to say that I'm not the least bit interested about their little break-up, but I am. How can I not be when every five minutes over the last year I've had 'Bennifer' thrown in my face? I've had to endure "Gigli" and the turkey gobble gobble line. I've had to watch that stupid "Jenny from the Block" video twenty times an hour on my VH1, complete with Ben groping and kissing her large, insured ass. I've had to watch my beloved Ben be transformed from a handsome, fun, laid-back guy to the male version of J-Lo. The man hardly smiles anymore and it's no wonder why. Would you smile if you were about to get hitched to a compulsive bride? Compulsive divorcee? Moody diva?

That's why it delighted me to no ends to hear that friends and family had managed to talk him out of the WORST mistake of his life. And from what I've read, the biggest supporter of Ben's singlehood was none other than his own Momma. Well you go girl! *snaps fingers* If there's one thing that I've learned in my 25 years on this lovely planet, it's that when your Momma tells you to do something, you do it. Why? Because 10 times out of 10, she's right and she knows what she's talking about. Your Momma will never lead you astray. She's older and wiser than you. DO NOT question your Momma. Ben's going to thank her someday, if he hasn't already.

It's going to be very interesting to see what develops over the next few days. Will they get back together? Who knows? As of right now, she's in Miami and he's in Las Vegas. Outlook not so good. There are already reports that the relationship went sour after "Gigli" flopped at the box office. Or maybe it went sour after Ben allegedly had sex with that stripper last month. Or maybe it was sour right from the very beginning. I may not be the smartest person in the world, but I do know that you CANNOT start a relationship built on lies. She was married, they were having an affair. Not exactly the best start to a relationship. We may never know the truth about why they broke up and who cares anyways? She'll move on, he'll move on. She'll get engaged, then the little press game will start all over again. And you just know that somewhere out there, Chris Judd is sipping on a martini laughing his cute little ass off. Justice has been served.

P.S. I can't believe that I just spent the last five minutes writing about the Bennifer break-up. Five minutes I'll never get back. Oh well.